Play is Where Life Is

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March 3, 2008 · 51 Comments

Play Is Where Life Is

“Play is Where Life Is” collects the memories of a North Carolina native over the past 67 years - stories range from the shenanigans of a preacher’s child, to the adventures of a freewheeling 1950s teenager; from a small college athlete to a National Hall of Fame tennis coach. Topics include crossroads, inventions called the automobile and television, tragedies, accidents, and plenty of drama from a cadre of small town characters.

The author covers topics from his 40 year career in college athletics including integration, Title IX, television’s impact, and internationalization. He also gives his thoughts on children and parenting in sports and, for high school athletes, he covers how to select and get in the right college athletic program. Other chapters include : how to successfully coach team tennis, highly skilled athletes, girls and women; levels of play; giving advice to players, parents, coaches, and organizations that govern tennis; and the behavior of players.

A special chapter investigates music’s affect during a personal crisis that included two failed back surgeries, a hip replacement, quintuple bypass surgery, and a “respectable” addiction to alcohol. All of these ups and downs in a career of coaching that matured into an appreciation for “play” and those willing to join the arena at any level.

If you are interested in purchasing a book (soft cover, 392 pages), please send a check for $27.95 with your return address to :

Play is Where Life Is
c/o Tom Parham
202 Blue Crab Court
Emerald Isle, NC 28594

or email the author at : ethomasparham@gmail.com

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Burlington Times-News Article

February 18, 2008 · 2 Comments

Don Bolden covers Coach’s book in an article for the Burlington Times-News entitled Life as a Coach is More Than Coaching. Here’s an excerpt:

It is a unique book in that the first part is an autobiography filled with seemingly endless accounts of his life as a Baptist preacher’s kid, as a fun-loving rebellious teenager, as a pretty good high school athlete and as a highly successful college tennis coach.

The stories are priceless. Consider the story of the little preacher’s kid who pilfered 50 cents from the collection plate and got caught by his dad.

And the one of the harried teenaged soda jerk in a Robbins drug store who once told a legendary University of North Carolina basketball coach, impatient for service, to wait. He made that profanity-laced suggestion with his head still in the ice cream counter. When he looked up and saw who was there, he quietly made his way to the street.

Read the entire review here.

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Excerpt from Chapter 10 : Coaching Team Tennis

February 8, 2008 · 2 Comments

If my knowledge about coaching college tennis were judged on what two topics I was most often asked to speak on, it would be (1) How to get on a college team and (2) Doubles.

The United States Tennis Association produces a document for prospective student atheletes. I’d like to emphasize a few points:

1) If you really want to play, go where you can play.

2) Its been said that many athletes gravitate to one level beyond their ability. There’s never been a “happy substitute.”

3) In college tennis if you don’t get to play your first year, you probably won’t get to play. This is not always true but do you want to gamble?

4) When tryouts were allowed, I’d have my #4 player play a set with the prospect. If the prospect played closely with #4, he had a chance at our school. It was amazing to me how many times a prospect, having just lost 6-1, would tell a parent, “I’m better than that guy.”

5) Transferring, if you make a mistake, is not always easy to do.

6) The single most important issue in college tennis is the international issue.

I would like to state firmly that I believe tennis players who want to play college tennis should play high school tennis. Many talented players (and their parents) think this is a waste of time. I disagree. “Prima Donnas” sometimes haven’t learned the team concept, and don’t function well in college tennis. College tennis requires personal sacrifice. You can learn a lot about that on even a limited high school team. Plus you are playing for your school.

Having coached fifty plus international tennis players, I have this strong comparison to make with American junior tennis: the American player can fire the American teaching pro! If the pro makes the player work too hard the junior will tell the parent, “I don’t like him/her.” New Pro! Internationals beat these kids like a “borrowed mule.”

Nowhere is this more evident than in junior girls. The pro hits easy balls left to right and collects the check from a happy client. That girl, confronted with an awkward mis-hit or a good drop shot has no clue. Most act if some tennis etiquette has been broached. The girl’s national 14’s was held in neighboring Greensboro, NC for several years. I can tell you that the winner almost always: (1) had the best drop shot and (2) had done a lot of work defending against the drop shot.

A strong piece of advice I have for freshmen, once they have selected a school, is to be match ready on day one of September. Many players take the summer after graduation off, having fought the junior tennis and high school wars for years. They assume they’ll go to college, get in shape again, and work their way in the lineup. Wrong.

College tennis today is essentially year round — it often features individual tournaments in the fall, team matches in the spring, and personal competition in the summer. Some schools play in tournaments as early as the second week of September. Very often challenge matches for positions on the team happen almost immediately upon arrival.

Challenge matches are perhaps the most important college matches you will play. Early fall and cold February matches can determine your college career. Challenge match policies are also extremely important. My essential guidelines were:
1) Challenge matches earn you a spot in the lineup, match play preserves the spot. These are perhaps the most grim matches in college tennis.

2) The two most important challenge matches were between: #6 and #7, as this determines if a player starts; and #8 and #9, as this determines if a player travels with the team. The coach should always witness these matches.

I always felt eight players was the ideal number for a team. This does vary. Two seasons in my 35 year career, I played the same lineup every match with no subs on the team. One of these years we were undefeated — pure luck. Girls teams need more players. But too many gets “testy.” I never cut any team I had until NCAA rules on squad size and gender equality forced me too. Many kids will come out just to hit with a good player. Those kids don’t get much help with a win-oriented coach who’s working with the top kids. Regardless, many subs go on to teach tennis. They love the game. I tried to keep them around, for the games sake.

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Excerpt from Chapter 1

January 20, 2008 · 8 Comments

I guess my first venture in to “fabrication” occurred with the fire chief. I don’t remember talking to “Chiefy” Martin, but the story goes I had a fishing pole or stick, with twine and a safety pin and was fishing in the two foot creek. “Chiefy” asked me if I’d caught anything and I said “…four”. When he asked where they were, I replied, “I’ve already eaten them.”

I distinctly remember my second, more serious, lapse. My dad gave me a white envelope with 50 cents in it for each Sunday’s collection plate. At about age five, I absconded with the fortune, not realizing he counted the money. When he asked where I’d acquired the shiny piece I told him from “Brownie Swan” who played the piano along with my mom in the church. Not a good answer. Although Brownie was beautiful, a fact I realized at five years, and while she seemed amused, my father didn’t.

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